the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
