and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
