i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my being single is dangerous.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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