I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
