I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
