She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
