he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
