we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
