Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
