is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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