just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
