that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
