i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
