Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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