Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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