So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
