u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
