You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
