so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
