Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
