no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
