Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
