she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
