Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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