I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
