pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
