I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
