Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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