Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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