Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
