that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
