im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
