There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
