Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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