so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
