I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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