yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
