I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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