i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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