I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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