i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
