Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
