Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
