but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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