So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
