I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
