Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.