I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter