do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high