He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?