Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.