ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
