you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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