As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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