I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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