Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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