It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize