You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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