There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
