Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
