Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
